That's What Friends Are For
by KryssyV1
Summary: In the hottest day of the year, Edward wants to learn how to make out. Albert feels bad if he doesn't teach him. Slash and canon pairings.
1. Chapter 1

In New York, it is 2:00 AM, and I'm out stargazing with my laptop writing this down because Seth MacFarlane came on my iPod. It is also extremely hot and humid. I don't expect anyone to read this, but if you do happen to come across it, enjoy!~~~

The day was hotter than usual, and the sun seemed to have shone through the buildings and beam warmly on everyone. They pulled at their collars and were tired of fanning themselves, beads of sweat pouring down their agitated faces.

Albert Stark and Edward Phelps were at the Saloon, slowly drinking warm bottles of beer. Their hot touch made the glass higher in temperature, and so the taste was disgusting for Edward, but yet he still drunk it alongside his friend.

They didn't say much, too hot to even glance at each other. They only basked in the packed heat the Saloon gave out, enjoying each other's silent company.

Finally, a bucket of ice chips came in, and the few people drinking at the bar cheered. Millie had prepared a few cups and given it to each person, every individual doing something different- putting it in their drinks, popping it into their mouths, or lathering it on their hot skin.

Albert felt almost embarrassed- he was panting like a stray dog in front of everyone. No one was looking, of course, except for Millie when he handed him two cups of ice, but she only smiled in understanding. Yet, the man still felt self-conscious and tried to look presentable, aside from his red face and sweaty stance.

Edward took a small chip of ice and put in his mouth, and he closed his eyes at how the coldness reacted. In moments it became water, and it trickled pleasantly down his throat. Albert did the same.

Both their cups of ice were about halfway gone when Edward finally felt it was the right time to speak. After all, they had cooled down a little.

"Albert," He bit his lip shyly, and looked away. His friend would have been more concerned if he was slowly dying of a heat stroke. "I- Can I ask you something?"

Stark gave him a look and smile that read "of course you can". He stared intently but softly at him, waiting for him to speak.

"I, uh," Edward took a gulp which hurt his throat, despite the many slivers of water that had just quenched his dehydration. "So, you know that Ruth and I had sex before, right?"

Albert would have yelped in proudness towards his friend, but he only leaned closer to Edward and grinned. "No, but thanks for telling me! How did you like it?" He wasn't sure what to say, and he didn't want details, but he also didn't want Edward to think that Albert didn't care at all.

"Oh, it was, uh," The smaller man stuttered in pride and embarrassment, an odd mixture that caused Edward to be odder than usual. "It was good. Different." He made sure to add that part. His eyes flickered from ice cup to beer, but never at Albert's face.

He seemed like he had more to say, so Albert didn't bother to speak. He instead waited intently for his friend to continue.

"So, the reason why I'm telling you, well, I mean, I also do want you to know, but it's also because, I," He bit his lip and it almost drew blood.

"Edward, what happened? Did Ruth give something to you?" Albert asked, wiggling his eyebrows in attempt at euphuism.

Edward laughed nervously. "No, she wouldn't do that."

His friend ignored the comment. "Then what's wrong? Why are you acting like this?" Albert's voice would have sounded more worried and dramatic if it wasn't already parched with small ice chips and warm beer. He took a cold chip out, and placed it in his mouth, watching Edward fidget with the sleeves of his shirt.

A minute passed. Edward finally spoke up again.

"She wants to make out, beforehand." He said slowly, just as he turned to look at Albert. He nodded quickly, so that he could continue on with the story.

But Edward only shrugged in defeat. "I don't know how to make out."

On a normal, cool day, Albert would use all his energy laughing at the poor man. But today, he only chuckled and leaned back in his chair. "Edward, it's just intense kissing."

"Yes, I know! But, we've only ever like, pecked on the lips before." He slumped down in his chair.

Albert shook his head in expectance and bewilderment. "I mean, making out isn't against the bible. You guys could have totally done that when you started dating."

Edward looked frustrated, but still sounded like he was just a tad angry. "I know that, but the problem isn't Ruth." He paused for a while. "I don't want to start making out with her if I don't know how."

Albert raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean? You mean you want to be experienced so she knows what she's been missing out this whole time?"

Edward shrugged again and gave a small, pretty smile. "I just want her to be happy with me. I was already a virgin, and she is still by my side. I want to show her that at least I know how to give her a make out."

His friend sighed. "You don't give someone a make out."

Edward grimaced. "See, I don't know nothing."

Albert closed his eyes, the sun's heat making him tired. "What do you want to do then? Buy a whore just to kiss?"

"Um, I don't- I don't have enough money for that."

"It can't be that expensive. Gotta be cheaper than anal." Albert shrugged at the suggestion.

"I know." Edward stared blankly at him. "But I was hoping you could do it for free." His voice was soft, almost as a whisper, but the humid air was so hot and uncomfortable, Edward could have shouted and no one would have heard for they weren't paying attention.

Albert opened his eyes in what seemed to be in amidst horror. His lips parted to speak or groan, but they failed to, and instead stayed open, gaping at his best friend.

Edward couldn't handle it anymore, and he looked down in fear. His eyes began to get watery. He had practiced in the mirror so many times and felt so confident, and although he had prepared for rejection, it was different when he was actually being rejected.

"I would say," Albert spoke cautiously. "That I'm not gay, but neither are you." He of course didn't have any problem with same sex couples, unlike the rest of the town, but that didn't mean that he wanted to experiment with men like himself. Especially with good friends.

A little tear went down Edward's cheek, and he quickly wiped it off as he sniffled. "I know. I'm sorry to even ask. It was stupid of me, Albert." Planning to hide in his little apartment for a few days, he got up but was held by his friend's grip. Edward didn't dare look at him.

"Edward, you're my friend. And this is honestly the only favor I actually don't mind doing." He tried to sound casual and calm, but was still a bit taken back and worried. Out of all the favors people in the West could ask for, he was glad that making out was the one he was assigned. Even if it was with his male friend.

Slowly, the smaller man's head turned to face him, red with embarrassment and shame. "It's okay Albert. I-I'll just use my pillow."

"A pillow's not gonna do any good." Albert reassured him. With his hand still gripping Edward's arm, he stood up and went to Millie, who was behind the bar sucking on ice chips herself.

"Millie, can we please borrow an empty room real quick?" Albert said, rummaging through his pocket for some change to give her. She shook her head and her hand, giving him a sign to stop looking for money.

"There's a hobo in the first room to the left upstairs. Gayle tried to wake him up earlier. I don't know if he's dead or sleeping, but whatever you need to do, I don't think he should be a bother." She told them, grabbing her little paper fan to make herself feel cooler.

Edward blushed madly at the fact that she didn't even bother to ask what they were doing, and although Albert guided him upstairs in the least intimate way possible, it still made Edward feel warm and hot in an arousal way.

Albert opened the creaky door, and sure enough there was a stranger snoozing the bed. His body rose up and down, an indicator that he was breathing, and so the larger man stomped his foot loudly, the bum not stirring an inch.

"We'll be fine." Albert gave Edward a small smirk, and he was rushed into the bedroom.

Edward beamed excitedly, as he did on his first night of sex, and sat on the bed, swinging his legs back and forth like a child. Albert pursed his lips. Not only was he kissing a man, but a man-child at that. He closed all the curtains and lit a small lamp, illuminating the crowded and hot area between them. They could see each other vaguely, but knew they were there nethertheless.

Albert sat beside him. Edward's heart beat faster. He felt like he should have a book to write notes down.

"Since you're only teaching me how to make out, God will forgive us, right?" The smaller man said, eyes widening as he hadn't even thought of the consequences his actions could bring. Albert shifted in his seat a little, not exactly caring about what will happen to him in the afterlife.

"Sure. We're not going any further, so God can't be that angry at us." Albert reassured him, placing a hand on his friend's hand. It made him feel awkward, but Edward liked the gesture. "And besides, you're doing this for Ruth. And God would understand that you want to make her happy."

Edward nodded enthusiastically at that last remark. "Now kiss me!" He said happily, and so childishly, that Albert chuckled a little before letting out an uneasy sigh.

"Okay, so first, you start with a regular kiss, right?" Albert wasn't sure if he should narrate everything step by step. He leaned in close, and Edward did as well, his wide smile making it uncomfortable for the other.

Albert wanted to close his eyes, but he held them open as his lips touched Edward's. He hoped to all the different Gods he read about that Anna wouldn't know, and if she did find out, he prayed that she forgave him.

Edward's lips parted. Albert tensed up, but leaned in closer to him. The already hot air heated up both men even more, and the bigger one's tongue snaked in the smaller one's.

Edward froze completely.

Albert pulled apart, mumbling apologies.

"No no, it's not that," Edward coughed a little, or perhaps it was to clear his throat. Albert couldn't tell. "It's just that, Ruth's never done that before with me and it was…different." That seemed to be the keyword in his speeches today. Different.

"Why don't you pretend that I'm Ruth." Albert insisted.

Edward smiled. "I'll try, but," He trailed off, and Albert knew why. No matter what, he could never imagine Edward as Anna anyway.

The room all of a sudden added ten more degrees, and Albert desperately wanted to take off his shirt. Of course, he wouldn't dare.

"It's getting pretty hot here." Edward murmured. "Can I- I go downstairs to get some ice chips?"

Albert wanted to leave, so he volunteered to go. As he walked down, he noticed the saloon was empty, except for Millie at the bar and a cowboy with his hat down to his face, obviously sleeping. Although he didn't need to, he slyly snuck in the cup of ice, already swooshing with water, and sprinted back upstairs.

The stranger still slept at the edge of bed, and snore nosily. A romantic setting, Albert thought as he rolled his eyes and sat again beside Edward.

The smaller man gulped and closed his eyes for a moment. Albert put a small ice chip in his own mouth, and attacked Edward's. He opened his eyes widely, shocked for a moment, but content with the feeling of his friend's tongue colliding into his, with the cool ice melting in between them.

Edward moaned. Albert pulled back.

The bigger man's mouth parted to say something, but again, no words came out.

The other looked shyly away, involuntary tears starting to form.

"I'm sorry, it's just that," Albert couldn't find the words to say. "I guess that's a compliment, huh?" He tried to smile at his friend, but he only blinked and a few tears flowed onto his cheeks. Albert shut his eyes tightly and went in again.

Their teeth clashed together, sending a sharp pain through Edward's mouth.

He pulled back and covered his mouth, worried and hurt eyes staring into Albert's.

"I'm sorry! Okay! I've never fucking kissed a guy before! So excuse me." Albert extended that last part longer than he should. He rolled his eyes and looked away. He didn't want to see his friend so hurt. He only wanted Albert's help, and he was more than willing to give it. He just didn't know how.

"Al-Albert." Edward looked down at his hands, fumbling on his lap. "You don't have to do this. It's not that I like you in that way, I just thought my best friend can just teach me ho-"

"Edward, it's not that simple." Albert retorted, sternly but gently. "It's not like I'm teaching you how to ride a horse or shoot a gun. It's making out. Something you do with your girlfriend or a prostitute, not your best friend." He almost whined, making him sound like a child.

Edward blushed and glanced back at the sleeping stranger, not stirring after his friend's loud remark. He let out a sigh of relief, his little tears already drying up.

"I'm sorry, Albert."

He couldn't take it anymore. "No, stop it. If anyone is sorry, it's me."

The silence was both maddening and comforting. Albert's eyes glanced at the ice cup. Only three chips were left in the half filled cup of water. He tried again.

This time, Edward's eyes were open and he knew what was coming.

When Albert's mouth came into contact with his friend's, he carefully parted it open, slowly nudging his tongue in between Edward's. He felt the ice and shuddered pleasantly, yearning for more of his friend's touch.

Edward sat still, and Albert placed his hands on his arms to encourage a little movement. He smiled beneath his friend, and for the first time during all this, Albert didn't feel so awkward.

Even when Edward gripped on the other's shirt, Albert only deepened the kiss. The ice was long melted, but their tongues were still chilled. Nether battled for dominance, as Albert merely guided Edward along the way.

Their noses and faces collided with each other, mushed up against their hot sticky skin. The third time it happened, Edward pulled away, just for air. He breathed deep and hard, his cheeks red and warm. He noticed his hands still clung onto Albert's shirt, but decided not to pull apart until the other said something.

Albert only smiled at his friend, a playful, bashful smirk. He was used to long make out, French kissing sessions, and so he could have gone on longer if his friend was up for it.

Edward finally glanced up at his friend. "So, th-that was making out?" He spoke slowly through his steady breathing.

The larger man nodded.

"Is that it?" Edward peeped, and Albert wouldn't have heard him if they weren't so close.

This time he shook his head.

A blush creped up on the smaller man's face, and he closed his eyes, half of his hands pulling Albert down, and half of Edward's head scooting up to meet the other's face. He placed a sloppy, wet kiss on his lips, and Albert chuckled.

"You're so bad at this." Albert whispered, still smirking at Edward's attempt to start again.

"Well, you're my teacher, so what does that say about you?" The smaller man said confidently, accidently biting Albert's tongue in the process. He was about to pull apart to ask if he was alright, but Stark only gripped his hair and pulled him further in.

Edward couldn't help the soft moans that escaped his throat as Albert got a bit rougher with him. Going against his usual state, Edward decided to play and fight for dominance. Albert didn't expect this, but he went along.

Stark never protested when Phelps began to roughly push him down on the bed. Their kisses became deeper and more passionate, and when they parted, panting their hot breaths on each other's faces, Edward was on top of his friend, pinning his wrists down.

"Eddie!" Albert yelped, playfully surprised. "I never took you to be the dominant one." His eyebrow rose, and his friend blushed madly.

"I-I saw Ruth's john do it, one time." He made sure to add that last part. He had watched only once, to see what his girlfriend actually did. She seemed to enjoy being pinned down, and figured Albert did as well.

Albert didn't know how to respond, and didn't want to kill the mood asking why Edward was watching his girlfriend bang some other man.

The man under shifted a little, not sure whether the lesson should stop here or not. Edward took note and slowly got off him.

A pinch of guilt tore inside Albert, and for the sake of friendship, he pulled Edward back down again. His arms wrapped around his neck, and his legs widened so that his friend kneeled comfortably in between them.

The stranger beside them ignored the odd shift in the bed, and continued to snooze away.

Suddenly the humidity and stench of the room wasn't so bad, as both men placed soft kisses on each other's faces. Albert reached up and lightly bit Edward's neck, and he winced, yearning more of his friend's teeth biting into his skin.

Both men thought of their girls, but never replacing the other's face with them.

Albert remembered that Anna always yelped when he'd nibble on her earlobe and lightly touch her breasts, stroking her nipples with his forefinger. He reached up and did just that to Edward, through the fabric of his shirt. The other man gasped at the touch and grinned.

Edward recalled Ruth moaning when a tongue grazed upon the front side of her neck. He reached over and quickly took a sip of now cool cup of water, not swallowing the whole thing, but instead leaning down to lick Albert's neck, releasing little spurts of cool water across his sticky skin.

The man underneath gasped and involuntarily bucked his hips upward. The water dripped onto his shirt, and Albert groaned at his member hardening in his pants.

He wanted to stop. He wanted to stop badly, but at the same time, he wanted a release just as bad.

Albert closed his eyes and couldn't think rationally because of the heat of the room and in his body. He almost felt like fainting.

At some point, Albert even closed his eyes while Edward explored his body, placing soft, wet kisses on various places he found skin. It was nice, almost like a puppy was on him. Almost.

The larger man didn't mind when Edward grinded his hips against the other's multiple times. It made both men harder, but Albert closed his eyes tighter, trying to fight the urge to reach down and stroke it.

Edward, on the other hand, had no self control.

He gasped and bit his lip, glancing down at Albert. The man underneath looked up at him questionably, wondering what could be wrong now.

Edward glimpsed at the side of the room, carefully raising his hips off of Albert and crawling off.

Albert didn't mean it. It was perhaps the most routinely thing he did, was to reach for the groin, and so his hand gently rose and gave the hard on in Edward's pants a light touch, causing the man to wheeze in shock and embarrassment.

The larger man apologized profoundly. "Oh my god! Edward, I'm so sorry, I didn't know you were going to-"

Edward leapt off of Albert and backed up to the end of the bed, leaning against the iron footboard. He could only look down at his pants, already forming a wet stain from the premature ejaculation he endeavored.

"It was," Albert sighed, sitting up to lean against the headboard. "It was something I just do." He shrugged, looking down at his own bulge in his pants. Even though the mood was killed, it still stuck up.

Moments later, the only think Edward could do was laugh. Albert awkwardly joined.

They smiled at each other, and they were friends again. Not lovers, not friends with benefits, only good friends.

They crawled out of the bed, and Albert placed his hat strategically on his crotch to hide his hard on, as Edward only untuck his shirt and let it hang over the small but forming stain on his pants.

Like shy, fifteen year olds, they walked together out of the saloon, unsure to hold each other's hand or not after an intense make out and very light heavy petting session.

"Are you going to tell Anna?" Edward asked as they passed by the general store. His voice indicated that he wouldn't be upset if Anna knew or not.

"I'll tell her if you tell Ruth." Albert shrugged pretending to be nonchalant. Of course he was going to tell her, the guilt of cheating on his girlfriend- even if it was with a man, was already starting to form in the pit of his stomach.

Edward thought about it. "How about, if she asks, I tell her?" He smiled at his friend, and Albert could barely make it out, the sun beaming down on his hatless head.

They reached the empty, desert field just outside of the town. They didn't bother to take their horses, the saddles to hot to sit on. The men stood there, not sure of how to say goodbye, although they had done it so many times before.

Albert did it. He leaned in quickly and gave his friend a quick peck on the lips, something you only do to your sweetheart in the West. Edward was nowhere near close to being Albert's sweetheart.

A blush crept up on Edward once again, and he couldn't hide the wide smile on his face.

"I'll see you later tonight, Albert." He said all giddy. He didn't try to hide it.

"Of course, Ed." The other smiled. He wished he could see his friend's face better, if it wasn't for the blasted sun. He decided that no one was there anyway, and put his hat back on, feeling comfortable having a little shade.

Edward glanced down and felt guilty about leaving his friend hanging. He knew the feeling was unpleasant, and didn't want his friend to have to go through it just because Edward wanted to stop himself.

Albert noticed, and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry about it." He smiled, and turned to walk away.

Edward stood and watched his friend drift off to his sheep farm in the blurry vision of the sun. He smiled even more. In the West, he was really lucky to have a friend like Albert.

~~~I ship Seth MacFarlane and Charlize Theron so hard. Next chapter is Albert telling Anna, because you know he goin' crack.

There's mistakes, I know. But I'm also really tired and hot, so, cut me a break, will ya? 3


	2. Epilogue

Wow, haven't updated this in forever lol. Here's some closure.-

Epilogue

The guilt of kissing another person, male or female, friend or stranger, helping or not, was too much for Albert Stark to bear as he dated the beautiful Anna Barnes.

He felt nauseous and curious and giddy all at once, and even if he wasn't dating Anna, he still would have told her to see her reaction. _I taught my best friend how to make out. Ain't I a sweetheart? _He laughed as he spoke to himself, a mixture of relief and awkwardness.

He paced around the farm house, each step creating an elongating creak. The sun was almost down, which meant that Anna was almost home.

But how would he sneak in such a comment? _Oh hey, babe, you will not believe who I made out with today and he even came! _Maybe when they sit on the table and eat dinner, and after she asks him how his day was, will he ever so causally mention his small endeavor.

He smirked to himself. Pleased, he sat on a rocking chair, opening up a dictionary to learn some words for fun. Albert was busying himself with _osculator _until the front door swung open, and in came a tired but still lovely blonde woman.

Her hair stuck to her face, and her forehead glistened with beads of sweat. She was panting hard, and leaned against the door as soon as she closed it. Her eyes flickered to her boyfriend, and she gave him a pleasing but tired look.

He froze, swallowing a gulp of saliva that formed in his throat. "H-Hi hey, baby."

"Hi hun." She responded quietly and tiredly, stepping over to Albert. She sat upon his lap, pecking him on the cheek, and closed her eyes as she rested her head on his chest. She stayed like that for a minute, until her breath finally came to a normal level.

"Sorry I'm so tired today, babe. Your sheep were everywhere today." She glanced up at him, too tired to notice Albert starring at her but not paying attention. "Andy was in the whorehouse again, and it took me forever to get Bridget down. When I went to visit Ruth, Andy was in there again." She said exhaustedly, and reached in her pocket. She placed a ten dollar bill beside the open dictionary. "And yet, I still don't know how he makes it." She shrugged tiredly, leaning her head on his chest once again.

Albert closed his eyes. "I did something bad today." He simply said. He sounded more than regretful, full of hurt and guilt and it stabbed Anna in the heart.

She backed away from him, though she still sat upon his lap. "Wha- what?"

He opened them, almost on the verge of tearing up. "I fucked up."

Anna stood up and backed away, her fists clenched and face red from anger and heat. "What? But why?" She huffed and bit her lip. "Fuck you, Albert. I really fucking love you." Emotions ran through her wildly, and she was almost going to faint from the heat.

He stood up and tried to reach out to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. Anna was too angry to even move. "Please, love, I- I thought it was a good thing to do for him."

Her mind was hazed from the anger, but her ears perked up at the word she'd never thought she'd hear. "Him?" She whispered quietly, as if it were a password to a secret meeting.

Albert blinked and sighed. "Yeah. Edward wanted me to teach him how to kiss. It turned out to be a small thing, but then it got kinda of hot, and I feel bad for kissing a person that isn't you." He gave her what was known as a puppy dog eyed glance, and she now she was the one who blinked in confusion.

She wiped a loose tear away and blurted out an obnoxious but sweet laugh. Her smile and outburst sent mixed signals to Albert, and he took his hand away from her as she darted to him for a hug.

"Oh, Albert." She said, making the man feel younger and silly. "I thought you had an affair."

His eyebrows brows in insult. "What? Why would you think that? You know I'd never to that to you, holy shit." He muttered against her head, wrapping his arms around her. He let out a small chuckle as well.

"Babe, I don't mind if you do stuff with your friend." Anna mentioned as she pulled from his chest, though still in his grasp. "Especially if it was for him. I know other girls may not like it, but I don't care." She shrugged, showing a sincere smile.

Albert felt as if a ton of weight was lifted off his shoulders, and the guilt had been washed away in an intense tide. He planted a kiss on her lips before sighing contently.

She stroked his cheek lightly. "You know, babe," Though she had sounded hurt and sweet before, her voice underwent a seductive tone. "I kind of find you and Eddie a little hot." She arched her eyebrows in a sly look, but Albert was only confused.

"You're kidding right? Me and Ed? _Together_?" Albert wasn't gay, but even if he were, he could never imagine dating a guy like Edward. Well, that is if he _could _date a man in the West.

Anna giggled, but it didn't sound innocent at all. "Yeah. Just the thought of you," She reached up and twirled the thin hair Albert had on his head. "Kissing him," Her other hand gently traced circles around his belly button, causing Albert to hold in a breath. "Licking his lip," Her hands worked together to rub himself through his clothing, the man's eyes flickering from arousal and confusion.

"As you two grab at each other." She said between giving him kisses at his sticky sweet neck, her fingers unbuttoning his light blue shirt. Anna had nudged him over to the rocking chair, and he plopped down on it excitiedly.

"You two moaning at each other," She licked his jaw as she straddled around his lap, her palm nudging at his growing erection in the denim pants. His breath became hot and jagged as she played with him, his mind focused on her aroused state as it also worked the events that happened today.

"Tell me what you did to him." She whispered seductively into his ear, and what had seemed like a small joke Albert thought Anna would have said to him to make him feel better, he now knew what got his girlfriend concupiscent the most.

"Oh, babe." He said, cupping her cheeks and giving her a lustful look. "To start off, we used ice."

-When I have the chance, I'm so ending this with full blown smut. Fuck it, I'll even make a foursome out of these characters-


End file.
